If you’re someone who takes pride in being kind, helpful, and fair, chances are you’ve also danced with the darker side of people-pleasing in business.
You want everyone to be happy. You want to do your best. You don’t want to upset anyone, ever. And while these are admirable traits – in business, they can also become quietly exhausting.
Because no matter how well you communicate, how fair you are, or how much effort you put in, someone, somewhere, will still find fault. You’ll face criticism that isn’t justified, feedback that feels personal, or negativity that lands harder than it should.
Why it hits so hard
For people-pleasers, business isn’t just about the work – it’s about relationships. You take pride in doing right by people, and when that’s questioned, it feels like a personal attack rather than a professional disagreement. You might replay conversations in your head. You over-analyse emails. You wonder what you could have done differently, even when deep down, you know you were in the right.
The truth is, the desire to be liked can quietly shape our decisions:
- Saying “yes” when we should say “not this time.”
- Softening boundaries to keep the peace.
- Absorbing other people’s stress and mistaking it for responsibility.
It’s noble. But it’s not sustainable.
Dealing with criticism (especially when it’s unwarranted)
One of the hardest skills in business – and life – is learning to sit with the discomfort of being misunderstood. Because sometimes, no matter what you do, people will interpret things through their own lens – their pressures, insecurities, or frustrations – not yours.
Here’s what helps:
- Pause before reacting: That initial hit of emotion – anger, defensiveness, or hurt – is temporary. Let it pass before you respond.
- Check the source: Is the criticism constructive, or just noise? If it’s not coming from someone you respect, it’s probably not worth your energy.
- Separate intent from impact: Sometimes feedback is clumsy but useful. Sometimes it’s neither. Learn to tell the difference.
- Don’t outsource your self-worth: No one else gets to decide if you’re doing a good job. Only you (and your results) can.
Getting out of your head
Here’s the not-so-secret “magic formula” to stop spiralling: Perspective and presence.
- Perspective reminds you that one comment doesn’t define you.
- Presence stops you replaying the past or predicting the future.
Try this: When your mind starts spinning, ask, “Will this still matter in a week? A month? A year?” Most of the time, the answer is no, but if it will still matter, then take the energy you’d spend overthinking, and channel it into action – clarity, communication, or change.
A gentle reminder
You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be professional without being perfect. And you can care deeply without letting every opinion shake your confidence.
Because the goal isn’t to be liked by everyone – it’s to be respected by the right ones – and to be at peace with yourself.
Author: Debbie Darling, Jooce Marketing & PR